Once in a while someone’ll ask me what key things should be kept in mind if they choose to become vegetarian. Now I’m glad they ask me that, because in those precious few moments my degrees in nutritional science and medicine finally pay off (I don’t have any such degrees).
This is roughly what I should tell them:
- Stop worrying about not getting enough protein. If you do, you’ll end up eating too much protein
- Don’t depend on soy – legumes, nuts, quinoa, etc. are all as important
- Nutritional yeast is a good additive to things like crispy tofu cubes
- Goldorak was my favourite cartoon growing up
- If you eat fish and chicken and you call yourself vegetarian you’re not vegetarian, you’re an idiot
- Most yogurt has gelatin. If you don’t know what that is, look it up
- Many Asian places use chicken broth as the base for their sauces
- That watery dipping sauce for spring rolls? Has fish sauce
- I once ate an entire jar of nutella in a day
- St. Hubert’s poutine sauce in the dehydrated pouch is the BEST. The one in the can has chicken in it
- Telling me that meat-like substitutes (soy veggie burgers, sausages, etc.) makes me a wanna-be meat eater only makes you look like a dick
- If you’re afraid of insufficient iron and/or vitamin B12 levels, PLAN ACCORDINGLY. Jeez, how old are you?
- Eating too much of anything is… ugh. I’ll let Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie explain it:
And yes, there are stupid questions. Just as I’ve an army of mini origami squirrels that will attack: